I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
