I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
