i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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