White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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