got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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