btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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