dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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