How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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