I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
