Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
