he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found a bag of teeth...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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