Define "chronic" masturbator.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize