someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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