by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize