I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
