I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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