Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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