I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm like, not good at living.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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