R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize