i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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