1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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