Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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