I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
