i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
