doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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