watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
