sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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