I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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