Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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