What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
