This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
