I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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