a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
