I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
