eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize