We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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