You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
