I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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