at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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