i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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