if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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