I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
