there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
foreskin is a definite game changer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
