What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
