i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
