She is in my trunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
