fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
