The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
