I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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