i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
