How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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