who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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