Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
