You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
