she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
