you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
