so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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