physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
