Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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