Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
