worst night to have a conscience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
