This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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