remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
