I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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