I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize