When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
